It was a bright an sunny morning in price city an I was on my way to school it was the first day an I was hating it. I got there around 8:20 then we had recess around 10:00 when I came in from recess my mom was standing there crying I asked her what was wrong she told me to get my stuff I was leaving when we got out side I asked again what’s wrong mom she told me this time your dad got crushed today by a thousand pound flight of stairs, right then an there I started to ask more I didn’t know what that ment we went to the hospital an I seen my dad laying on the stretcher rolling into the hospital that was the first time I ever thought I was going to loose my dad it was the scariest day ever.
We walked into the room an saw my dad still knocked out it has already been three hours so we sat around him until he woke up around 8 at night he woke up an was kinda still out of it
(Jonathan did not finish his narrative)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
1.that he tells you how sunny it was in price
2.make it longer you dont want to lose your reader
3.that your chocies will afect you
4. that was good keep on doing good with it.
you did good but you need more information. its goo so far though.
1. that he explaned what his dad went through.
2. you should tell how old you are went the axcident happend
3. that bad things happin to good people when they lest expect it.
4. good job on your naratives. i thing you should explain more things clearly.
1.My favrit part is that you are still steding steppixg.
2.you xeed to fixish rour work ese.
3.i learxd that people sometimes make it.
4. your lucky to still have your jefito with you. a ese it sucks to loose someone close to you so be happy to still have him. olrale ese alato.
1 how much he cared a bout his dad.
2just finsh ur work.
3 to keep careing for people.
4 dude that cool that u still got ur dad.
that his dad lived from a thousand lb flight of stairs. You can improve it by not being lazy and typing in the whole story. idk if there was a lesson to learn here. what happen to your dad. is he still around.
1. is when they said that they were sitting there tell he woke up.
2. more information.
3. to be more safer
4. it was really good and at least he woke up.
Post a Comment